From incidental findings:

"(1) I can't love someone if I don't love myself. I don't mean that in a narcissistic way. I just mean that when it comes down to it, loving someone else requires you to believe yourself worthy of such an emotion.
(2) Happiness is something from within, and I have to learn to be happy by myself if I want to be happy with others. Inner joy isn't supplied by others. It's something gained from within. Happiness based on other people isn't happiness. It's no different than drugs or alcohol. It's a temporary euphoria that is lost as quickly as it's gained.
(3) Part of learning to love myself is accepting who I am. This I am working on. I've been working on it for quite some time. A couple years back, I realized that I was trying to change who I was to accommodate the love interests in my life, and that was a flawed strategy. I need to be myself, and accept that I am the best at being who I am. And that means accepting that I'm a private person, that I have a hard time sharing. that's who I am, and there's no reason to change that or modify it.
Once I learn to accept myself, and to love myself, then (
4) quite simply, I deserve to love and to be loved. I am who I am, and that is the person who deserves to be loved, not someone else. But just because I deserve to love and to be loved,
(5) that doesn't mean that I have any control over who loves me. I've been chasing after eidolons, fantasies. I did not learn until recently that finding the right person is more than attraction. It is finding a person that complements me, that is the other half of my puzzle piece in life.
(6) Love is not trying to fill the emptiness in my life with someone else, but it's trying to find someone who'll want to help me fill those holes. Love is not a solution to anything; it's a partnership. I've always viewed my life as empty and lacking, and maybe it is, but I'm not looking for someone to shore up the gaps. I'm looking for someone to help me along.
But the thing that I really came to terms with is that looking for love, real love, is playing with fire. Because the truth to life is that
(7) if you want to be loved, you must love. Love isn't a one way street. And I can't be loved without loving. I can't take without giving. I can't expect a person to love me and not to love her back.
So, the short of the story is that I think I'm ready to try to start dating again, and that I'm kind of glad that I've had all this time off from it, in spite of all the shit I had to wade through, because I had some lessons to learn, and learning those lessons was valuable, because learning to accept myself for who I am is probably much more valuable to my existence than some scattered dates that led nowhere and would've caused a lot of heartache."

random thought

"Abandoning a career you are good at is a very difficult decision to make -- especially in light of the uncertainty of applying to professional school. I understand why many people let their dreams go at similar junctures in their lives -- it's a hard choice to make.
But I made a bold move at that very dark point in my life. I decided to go back to school full-time and apply. This was a calculated risk. Perhaps it was the right one"

Recipe for Professionalism

"Gather all ingredients together so that they are close at hand.
Get a clean cloth and wipe the bowl clean of any bad habits.
Take maturity, respect, experience and stir gently.
Add unlimited amounts of compassion and kindness. Mix well with responsibility.
To this add caring by the handful, and fold in trust.
Continue to stir gently, adding listening, honesty and generous amounts of communication.
Slip in ethics and treatment goals and pieces of keeping promises.
Bake in an office filled with compassion, respect and self-esteem.
Before serving, sprinkle over with patience and a lot of understanding.
Serve with imagination, good humour, and, on the side, a big smile.”

Dr. Harold Perry

Quote of the day

"Don’t be afraid to invest in your career or future, even if in the short term it doesn’t pay off"

‎"There are times in our life when we choose our challenges, and other times when the challenges simply choose us, it is what we do in the face of those challenges that defines who we are, and more importantly, who we can and will become."

1. The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are.

2. If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?’ And whenever the answer has been ‘No’ for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

3. People have to really suffer before they can risk doing what they love.

4. No matter how hard you try to bury it, it just won’t go away. That's when you know you have to pursue it

Another victim of FB:
My patient asked me to help him signing up for FB. He has heard a lot about it but could never manage to get it due to his physical condition. It's quite an exciting thing for him and he asked me to go around the unit , just to write down names of his friends so that he could add them on FB. Talking about him, I just realized how much I have taken life for granted and would never appreciate it much. Someone without functional arms and legs still cheer up for life and try to live happily while I keep nagging about my failures and about the lack of motivation to get back up.

A small gesture makes my day and change my biased prejudices about some certain people:
While I was going for groceries yesterday, I tried to get a shopping cart. However, I didn't have any change. A kind lady gave me her cart. It was a simple act but it really touches my heart. Having been living in a rough area for a year and going through some tough periods, I have became a bit colder and have some prejudices about certain group of people. Yet, a big lesson is "some people behave badly doesn't mean all of them are bad"

"Nick. You know that there are friends, people, life, love, gfs... You gotta enjoy life" told my manager and "Study, study and study, dear. You don't want to end up like me" told an old lady at the flower factory where I worked part time.
Those words struck my mind...

on a side note: How do you put a price on happiness? How do you put a price on regret? Only you can answer those questions! Everyone has a different risk threshold and amount they are willing to sacrifice......... You only live once no redos ya know

A question

A housemate who works in the library saw me there today and asked me " What do you feel when you're the only one in the library?"
I smiled and replied "a lot of freedom , i guess"
Really? I have always complained about being by myself and the first thought came out of my mind was those words.

Some push to not give up, to work hard toward my dream

I have been so blue lately. The thought of putting that against my head, pulling the trigger and letting it go kept coming back. I just know it's just some random thought. I'm a fighter so I'm not going to give up easily. But where is the strength? Where is the old me? 
Then I read a post relating to my situation today. I was glad that there was someone out there, some one who was in the same situation as well. I just realize that I'm not alone. At one moment I thought I was but I'm not. There are many fighters out there, fighting for the same goal like mine. If they don't give up, neither do I.


Some posts from them (or would I say: my unknown companions on the long journey to a dream?)


"Let's not forget that feelings change like the weather all the time. I hope that before you jump to conclussions and make a quick decision, you take some time trying to relax and live through your situation a couple of weeks. I have noticed that when we are fighting the situation or are under a lot of pressure, all sorts of thoughts come up. I have found it helpful to let those thoughts settle down and pass me by before making a move.  If possible, please get some rest and just do your best. Take care."


"Life starts now, and while we have to make sacrifices to get where we want to be in the future, we should still try and make today enjoyable as well. Hang in there, it can definitely be a struggle to do this when the distance between your goals can be so huge. Try to find some stuff that will make your life today fulfilling as well"

Quote of the day

While on the bus, I sat beside a girl. Her scent reminded me someone in the past. I was texting with my friend so I told him about that.
Here is his advice: "Is the stranger cute? Don't look back. Look forward (Y) so go talk to her."

Best advice, D :)

Chuc mung nam moi

Wow, Just realized that i was on the phone for almost 2 hours this evening, calling to say happy new year to uncle, mom H and a close friend.

Just received a card from my close friend in New zealand. At the end of the card she wrote: " really, let me know when you have a girlfriend, ok? One of my customers once told me "life is short, so enjoy it" I hope you are happy to do whatever you want to do"

Just got an invite for interview at McGill university and I already booked the bus tickets..yay.. a chance to get some delicious smoke meat sandwich in Montreal

Quote of the day

Never argue with an idiot. They will bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.