Saturday December 12, 2009

here in CA, relaxing and eating during my last "break".

It's so nicely encapsulates how one ought to enjoy the journey of life rather than focus on the supposed destination. It has been said that after climbing the tallest of mountains, it can be pretty damn lonely at the top.
 In medicine, which is ONE hell of a long road, you can easily find yourself wondering if it was all worth it when you come out on the other side.

Anyway, in steve jobs words :
make the thing you love your work, and you won't have to ever work again in your life....

or in a senior's words:
Honestly, the only way someone can stomach it and not hate his/her life is if medicine is really one of the few things he/she wants to do in life; it really is kind of a brutal lifestyle in many ways, so not something to get into lightly.

--> I know i love it

Sunday September 20, 2009

http://www.studentdoctor.net/2009/09/best-practices-for-overcoming-obstacles/           by Alex Shalman

“The brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out; the brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something.”

~Randy Pausch

There are certain goals in your life for which success is a non-negotiable conclusion. It’s inevitable that the bus of your life is going to drive towards a fork in the road.  The trick is to position yourself in the drivers seat.

My most current and biggest obstacle so far has been to get into dental school. If my whole story was simple, that “I applied, I got in, woot!” then it wouldn’t have been very inspirational. Luckily, for the story’s sake, it took me three years of applications, rejections, retaking the DAT, and upping the ante with a master’s degree in order to push my way through.

The whole process really humbled me, and at the same time made me really proud of what I can do when I put everything I’ve got into it. I’ve had the benefit of being very self-aware, and carefully analyzing the mental processes that I went through in order to reach this goal. I could have been depressed at the first rejection. I could have quit and found another line of work…I almost did…but I didn’t, because my brain thinks as follows:

1. Cut Off Unsupportive People
   I’ve long been going through the process of purging negative people from my life. The friends that were just great to party with, the people that were disgustingly pessimistic, and the ones that clearly did not have my best interests in mind. Getting rid of negative people opens you up to meeting new ones with qualities you respect and admire.

   Several months ago I had a friend ask me why am I still trying to get in, and why don’t I just give up and go and get a real job instead of trying for this dental dream. My girlfriend Marina had an awesome response to this onslaught. She said, “How can you live if you stop trying? That’s the formula for regret.” I like it a lot. I have to keep this Marina person around me more!

2. Cut Off Plan B
   I’m very inspired by a story of Julius Caesar that I heard from one of my personal development tapes years back. When Caesar’s ships landed on the enemy beach, he immediately ordered his army to turn around and burn down all of their own ships. This left only one option, plow through the enemy lines, no matter what, and on to victory.

   In my own life, I gave myself only one option, no plan B, no alternatives, and that option was to become the best Dental health professional in the world. Other options and job opportunities were presented to me, quite often, and I always thought of them as the “Serpent’s apple” which I refused to pick.

3. Talk About Your Dream
   Everyone that I encountered knew that my number one goal, the thing that I wanted so much I could taste it, was to get into dental school. I didn’t ask them for help, I presented myself as a passionate individual who has wanted to be a dentist since he was five years old and would stop at nothing to achieve this dream. People respect this form of sincerity.

   In fact, people would often times start trying to think of solutions to how they might help me, or who they knew in a great position to help me. Over three years, I got a lot of contacts, some of which were dead leads, but the sheer volume that was generated from me speaking about my number one goal created some golden opportunities and referrals.

4. Believe In Yourself
   You know those days: When you’re down on yourself, and you’re thinking about quitting. Perhaps you even start to entertain some good reasons for why quitting would be a good idea.

   *SLAP*

   The trick is to give yourself a mental slap.  Take those negative thoughts and nip them in the bud before the weeds overthrow the yard of your mind. Don’t be the kind of person that thinks this way.

   It’s your job, not your friends or your parents, to believe that you’re the best. You must believe, deep in your soul, that whatever you have, whatever you’re selling is absolutely the air that everyone should be breathing. If you don’t believe you’re the best, and don’t do everything in your power to really be the best, then no one else will believe – so believe!

I’ve played a dangerous game my friends. I got a Masters degree, albeit educational and interesting, in a field that I didn’t want to spend my life working in – but I pushed on. I talked to everyone and their dog about my dreams, and encountered some pessimistic backlash – but I pushed on.

I even spent this summer studying to retake the admission test “just in case,” while having a promising spot on the waiting list, when I could have taken a vacation and hoped I’d make it off the list – but I pushed on.

Never stop trying, not while you’re still alive and capable. As I like to say… “If you have a dream, whether you have to go through those doors sideways, backwards, or jump in from the roof… don’t give up.”

Sunday September 6, 2009

Last night I talked to my sis about dating a local girl and the prospect of being into a LD relationship.
By the end, we both realized that it would not work. Dating has been so hard to come by for the past years (The fact I'm going to matriculate in medical school soon even makes dating an impossible task). The seniors advised me that it's a big no-no.  Most of the day's hours are spent intensely studying and working so when I find myself with "free time", all I want to do is relax by myself. I'll watch a TV show, have a jog around downtown, or just sleep. The last thing i want to do is go out and spend the whole evening with someone. I just don't have the time and patience.
Well, You can make the time, can't you? I tried and it didn't work out for me. I just couldn't devote enough time to have a real relationship. The past relationship really scared me off. I'd rather feel lonely( and i always do during those quiet late nights  working in the lab or at the library.)
It's hard for other people to understand when your goal is not becoming a medical doctor and when you have not been through all the hardships to get into and get through medical school. And i keep saying to myself, just wait until you're through with medical school? then what? residency?? then fellowship? When will there be a light at the tunnel? or is it just another connecting tunnel at the end of the already existing tunnel?
I ask myself, "When will there be time? Will I end up old and alone without a family of my own? A small and simple family?"
People always say, "Love comes when you least expect it" and i wonder whether its true or not. Will I realize it when it comes or will I just be simply too busy to ignore the sign?

ONLY TIME WILL TIME

Sunday September 6, 2009

I guess my eagerness about studying in medical school has reached its climax.
And I dreamed about med school again this morning. :)

The traveller

I’m setting out on my own
Looking for a place to settle
A place I can call home

I’m walking out with nothing
But the clothes upon on my back
In too much of a hurry
There’s no time for me to pack

In another place I stop
My needs I do betray
Befriend no one; make no ties
I do not plan to stay

Never shall my journey end
There’s no home for me
I call upon my patron saint
Forever keep me free

I alone define the rules for my life

I will stand behind convictions of mine

I am the traveler

Friday September 4, 2009

I had the first nightmare about medical school this morning
It was about how my block exam is tomorrow and I didnt realize that until the last day and tried to scram the whole block in one night.... and that woke me up.
I know it would never happen to me in real life but the craziness/intense about studying at medical school already built up in my mind.... LOOKING FORWARD TO FIGHTING IT :D

Sunday August 23, 2009

once thought "if I ever get into medicine, i will start to enjoy life" and the closer i am to it, the better i realize that its not true.

Give up...... NOT

A note to a close friend who is already in the profession I'm going into

hmm.. had thought of it many times. The last time I was near to it happened 7 months ago and I was about to give up my path. I was debating whether the path I had chosen was a good one because while many people are happy with what they have, I'm still trying to walk down that path quietly and lonely. I wish I were someone else, having a normal life- a happy and simple life.
However, getting that medical degree really means something to me. Choosing this path, I knew I was going to lose many "happy" things including my loved ones and I indeed lost three people along the way (just during the time in Canada).
I can't give up - partly I'm already too deep into it, partly I'm stubborn and mainly I know I'm going to regret for the rest of my life if I don't do it. The thinking of not doing it killed me every day last winter and I lost 15lbs.
By the end, I gave up my love and chose to walk down that path alone, chose to close my heart and follow my dreams.
A long journey ahead and I have never been as much calm and excited as I am right now.
I believe in fate. If it's fate, I shall meet the RIGHT one that I treasure the most one day.
and you know what, Hao? we're too young. Don't be scared! Keep walking down your path and Im sure your loved ones will always be there waiting for you. If you haven't found one yet, you will one day :)

Tuesday July 14, 2009

It's 1:22AM and I'm blogging in the lab.
Have been working like this for the past few months. I'm getting closer to my goals. A few weeks left and I will get my M.Sc... then what is next? It's what I want to do and have been working so hard toward it --> "M.D" degree.
A long journey ahead and I have never been as much calm and excited as I am right now. Soon I will leave everything behind, leave this country which has given me almost everything I wanted. I love the country, people , friends and also someone- It's you that make me hesitate. I have always thought "if I ever have a companion, that person must be like you: simple& caring. Have been following you for a long time and finally got close enough, then I had to leave. Even though I know I'm coming back after my M.D, it's a long road ahead and no one will have enough patience. I chose to close my heart and follow my dreams.

We shall meet again one day.

Friday June 5, 2009

"Some people also tend to be pretty driven, driven to succeed. Many will put their blinkers on and go for it, for instance to secure a consultant post, and completely ignore their own personal needs. Going for gold they forgot they were human being with basic needs."
A person of that category was asked about a time when she was really enjoying herself at work. She couldn’t think of an example. "When you’re that driven, for whatever reason – to please your parents, your own self esteem or whatever – it’s not uncommon for problems to arise later."


Lessons from this article:
In a positive way, "I'm not alone" :)
In a negative way, "It's a big issue I have to deal with one day"

The end is a new beginning

"I pack my case. I check my face.
I look a little bit older.
I look a little bit colder.
With one deep breath, and one big step, I move a little bit closer.
I move a little bit closer."

I'm counting down to the day I'm getting out of this nightmare - 3 more months.
And also counting down to the day i start my new journey. 9 years to go yet I know I'm moving a little bit closer :) Leaving behind everything in the past, all feelings and memories. Leaving behind my chemical-stained labcoats and saying hello to my scrubs.
Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing. Its a long adventure for me and I chose to walk alone.

There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning.


P.S: "There is room at the table for a party of one. And sometimes "just one" is the perfect fit" :)

Monday May 18, 2009

"For what it's worth: it's never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again." From the curious case of benjamin button

I love the last two sentences. :)  only two sentences are enough to tell what my mind has been thinking and enough to motivate me to keep going.

"Tired of waiting"

"I know that you're tired of waiting
and you might have to wait a little while more
but she is on her way
and she is getting here as fast as she can"   (How i Met your mother s4 ep 23)

Saturday May 9, 2009

Cười lên em nhé, dẫu mắt mình còn vướng nhiều chênh vênh...Cười lên dẫu niềm đau em vẫn phải nuốt lặng vào mình...Cười lên nhé để bỏ lại tất cả...Cười lên để tìm cho mình một niềm tin và sức sống...Cười lên để thấy tâm hồn mình vẫn còn dang tay đón nhận tất cả...


Cười lên với những ước mơ và ý vọng, những hoài bão và cống hiến...Cười lên để nghe sức trẻ vẫn ngập tràn trong trái tim...Cười lên cho những giọt nước mắt không còn chực rơi nữa...Cười lên em nhé, vì mình còn trẻ, mình không ngại bất cứ gì cả, phải không em?

Hãy cười lên khi trong lòng vang lên những tiếng nấc xót xa, khi cố nén những giọt lệ trên khoé mi để thêm vững tin đến một tương lai tươi sáng hơn. Cười lên bạn nhé!


DON'T GIVE UP , SMILE TO THE WORLD AND THE WORLD WILL SMILE TO YOU :) Im almost there

Entry for April 28, 2009

If you want to pursue that career, do it in your home country. It makes your life less painful.
If you decide to go abroad, choose something else or prepare to bring along with you a truck load of cash.
Don't choose Science.
Don't pick Chemistry, pick bio or biochem.
Don't go for synthetic organic chemistry, settle down with Analytical chem instead.
Don't work and study at the same time. Spend the entire summer to study for the M*** and do not work for money in the lab, volunteer instead.
Don't choose grad school to buy you time 'cz its painful to manage to do well what u dont want to do.
Don't work in a big group with a well-known prof at a top university.
Its all about money and citizenship. Having neither one, don't do it.

Still dont wanna give up 'cz its your dream? Freeze your heart, hole up your emotions and put on a cold face. Keep running like a bullet train without knowing where the last stop is.


"Are we human?
Or are we dancer?
My sign is vital
My hands are cold
And I'm on my knees
Looking for the answer
Are we human?
Or are we dancer?

Pay my respects to grace and virtue
Send my condolences to good
Give my regards to soul and romance,
They always did the best they could
And so long to devotion"

A new journey is about to begin. "Living the next 7 years of your life like most people won't, so that you can spend the rest of your life like most people can't" reminded by a friend.

Sunday April 26, 2009

"There's something so beautiful about reaching your dreams... and knowing that age means nothing."
"She reminds us to hope, to never lose track of our dreams, to keep putting one foot in front of the other no matter what others say or think. She gives us hope"

I couldnt remember how many times i watched that clip. I just kept watching it over and over again. You reminds me to hope and to never give up. Kudos to you, Susan

Sunday April 19, 2009

"Living the next 7 years like most people won't, so that you can spend the rest of your life like most people can't"

Get up and keep trying

"Get up and keep trying" ... Uhm. Lau roi ko co' cam giac nhu vay. Thoi gian wa, moi la^`n ra khoi lab, di bo ve nha`, lo`ng nang triu va ko the na`o cuoi duoc. Labmate once asked "where is your smile Nick?"

Da lau roi, co le cu~ng tu nam IV, ko ve nha` tu lab luc 2-3h sang ma` la.i di nhanh + vua di vua cuoi nhu 1 thang dien. Tren duong ve co`n nghe 1 drunkard singing "Mr. Lonely" song. Neu la` mi`nh 1 va`i ngay truoc, co' le lo`ng se nang triu. Hom nay thi` la.i thay vui cuoi va lac quan.

Thoi gian qua, co le mi`nh da~ doi xu voi mi`nh te^. wa'. Suy nghi nhieu, buo^`n nhieu de roi mat di su lac quan and hoa`i bao.

Da lau roi, su lac quan va` ti'nh ganh dua ko tro ve nhieu nhu vay. "Doing well is not enough, need to try harder to be at the top and Im not going to lose to anyone"

"when the past is certain to be left to collect dust, they will only be able to open into the future"
I've promised myself that i'd never let me down. if i fall, i'll just get up & try again!
Mourning period is over. Time to get up and face reality.

p.S: Thanks Ng for that conversation. It really woke me up

Sunday April 5, 2009

My motivation is at the lowest level. I feel so exhausted, feel unmotivated. Is that a sight of depression?
I've had nightmares for the past few weeks and i know it came from the pressure/deadlines at work.
I just want to take a break, a long break.
I just want to move on to the next challenge, to the dream i want to conquer.
It is coming soon and I need to get over this one first. Yet i feel i'm unmotivated.

Just wanted to put down a few lines here to remind myself. I need to keep motivating myself, going like a "bullet train", not a steam train. There is no return and no stop. The end of the tunnel is there, closer than ever.

Tomorrow is MOnday, and I'm going back to the schedule I had always been until last week
9AM-0AM till August... I can do it!!

Friday April 3, 2009

"After breaking up, it is very hard to communicate to each other as it used to be. Sometimes you feel it awkward. Both of you need some gap time. If two people agree to break up when there is no more feeling, then you are still friends. In any other cases, it hurts , keeping in touch"  someone told me

Sunday March 29, 2009

I finally read a message Nguyen sent me a week ago. It left me a lot of thinkings.
Yet there is nothing i might change 'cz life is not as simple as it seems to be.

Sunday March 29, 2009

I guess i have never written any post to show how much I appreciate for everything my parents have done for me. A single post is probably never enough.
Although we don't communicate quite often and i sometimes feel there is a gap between I and my parents, i know that they always watch my back and fully support me no matter what i do.

LOVE YOU, MOM AND DAD
^_^

Talking to my dad yesterday made me realize many things and realize how much they love me and willing to sacrifice for me. Even though the current financial situation at home is not good, they are still behind me and fully support me to pursue my dream.
What can I do? "working hard to live my dream and fulfill a promise". I cant let them down.

The next four years are going challenging in terms of mentality and also finance. I'm trying to save every single penny and I'm quite surprised at the amount of money i have accumulated for the past 2 months :) "Live within your means" one said.

I'm going to make it ^_^

Entry for March 29, 2009

"Sometimes I feel
Like I dont have a partner
Sometimes I feel
Like my only friend
Is the city I live in
The city of angel
Lonely as I am"

Saturday March 28, 2009

A nightmare (should I call it daymare 'cz its already 10AM?) woke me up. The same nightmare have been following me for the past 4-5 years. Its all about exams. yet its slightly different this time.
"I had four exams in one day and two days left to study. I even rememberd what the subjects were? they were Math, History and Geo. I was panic, phoned around to seek help and ran to the library. On the way there, i passed by a random person and he shared his dinner with me : a simple meal of rice and roast chicken - my favorite. I was eating and worried about the exams coming next. My heart kept beating very fast until the point i couldnt stand it anymore" Waking up just to realize that I'm in graduate school now and its just a pure nightmare. I breath deeply and its such a sigh of relief...  Pressure pressure and pressure.. Wonder when I will be able to take it off my shoulder.

And you, my dear! how are you doing? I miss you. It has been a million year since the last time we talked. I just wanted to know how you were doing. Finding around to realize all our connections but "Nguyen" were terminated. I wonder what happened. Is it my fault? I guess its no one's fault. It just happened.

And for C! Thank you for being such a good friend and for your dinner :) You are such a caring and nice girl that I believe whoever can be your bf will be a lucky man.

Tuesday March 17, 2009

I got a greenlight to head South for med school and also got accepted. The biggest problem - financial support- has been solved. If everything runs smoothly as expected, im going to leave Canada at the end of this year and ready for a new challenge.
The next four years are gonna be tough, full of challenge and fun. I know i will be able to make it 'cz its my dream.


Dont give up, Nick.Being able to fulfill that dream is not easy and you're almost there.

Be strong, head up and be optimistic.


"Noi oi. Con sap hoa`n thanh duoc loi hua voi Noi roi. Noi o tren do' phu` ho cho con hen! Con nho Noi nhieu lam" 

Tuesday March 17, 2009

Thật khó để nói lời chia tay mọi người...Có người bảo chia tay là khoảnh khắc nặng nề nhất của cuộc đời, nhất là chia tay người mình yêu thương...nhưng nếu chia tay trong hp thì đáng lắm chứ...Chia tay không phải là ngừng yêu thương.Cũng như thất bại chỉ là sự trì hoãn thành công, là thành công đến muộn mà thôi.

Khi chia tay....

Có thể sẽ ko cười cùng nhau khi vui ...

Tựa vai nhau...khi buồn..

Sẽ ko đi cùng hướng..

Nhưng chia tay khôg có nghĩa là ko quan tâm tới nhau,ko lo lắng..giúp đỡ nhau.Đừng bao giờ nghĩ khi chia tay thì sẽ buồn, đó chỉ là 1 thử thách trong cuộc sống, 1 hương vị của cuộc đời, 1 sắc màu riêng.....

Thà chia tay mà trong tim có nhau
Còn hơn ở bên nhau mà lạc lõng, xa lạ

Thà chia tay mà vui vẻ cùng nhau
Còn hơn ở bên nhau mà dằn vặt lẫn nhau

Thà chia tay mà gặp nhau bình thản
Còn hơn ở bên nhau mà cứ tránh mặt nhau

Thà chia tay mà cố gắng sống tốt vì nhau
Còn hơn ở bên nhau mà ngày càng tệ đi

Chia tay không phải là bi quan
Nhưng không khuyến khích ai đang hạnh phúc mà chia tay

Vì chia tay ắt sẽ phải đau đớn ....................

"Trong cuộc sống này..ko có con đường cùng..chỉ có những ranh giới.Điều quan trọng là làm thế nào để vượt qua ranh giới đó....có thể chia tay mọi người trong thế giới này..nhưng sẽ gặp lại các bạn ...trong 1 thế giới khác....."

Saturday February 21, 2009

Feb 27th: interview day. I have been waiting for this news for almost 2-3 months and didnt get it until I came to get some mails from my uncle's house this evening.
I have been trying to save money until the end of this year. . Working in the lab is a helpful way to save money :) Cross my fingers to hope that I can borrow some extra funds. If the target is met by that day, its gonna be another 4 years working my "head" off.

Still hesitate to leave or not to leave :(

The road to home seems closer :)

"I've been travelin on this road too long
Just trying to find my way back home
The old me is dead and gone, dead and gone"

Fulfilling a promise

"I am only one, but I am one.
I can't do everything, but I can do something.
The something I ought to do, I can do."

There is nothing left but a promise.
A promise is hard to fulfill but need to be fulfilled.
Getting that degree really means something, so its worth fighting for it.


Walked home at 11:45PM tonight and brisk walking in the cold made my tears roll down. Miss u a lot and hope u are doing well in heaven. A promise to you has been with me for a while and I have been chasing it. I gave up many things and also my love. That promise is so hard to be broken and i know that i wont.
Waking up tomorrow, its gonna be a new day. A new day to start fresh, to keep going and to be optimistic.




"If men aren't pursuing their dreams -- if we're not chasing the "who we are,"
the "what we do," and the "how much we make," we're doomed. Dead. But the moment
that we figure out the puzzle and feel like our dreams are taking shape, new
life breathes into us -- it makes us vibrant, enthuses, and animates us." Steve Harvey

A promise

It is a brand new day. A chance of a new beginning. Its time to forget the shame and regrets, and start fresh. With chin up high and chest wide open! Lets sprout our wings and soar into the limitless sky of Dreams and Hope.

Tuesday February 10, 2009

He hesitated to run away because he knew he still loved her a lot. Not until he read those blogs and their comments, he realized that it was time to move on. He got hurt when he found it out yet all he could do is wishing her happiness with that new one (or old one?).

Its now back to his life.
He started falling in love with lab again
His love for winter has come back and also those lonely brisk walks in the cold.
He froze his heart and promised himself to keep it frozen till he achieve his goal...
Its gonna be a long journey but this time he is not scared anymore because he knows he can walk alone.
And once again, he stays away from viet ppl.

Monday January 19, 2009

Struggle to find a way home

It has been 6 years and 6 days since he left home and went out to search for a purpose of life.
The longer he stays, the less patience he has. and he wonders how much harder he can try to find a way home.
The future seems closer, yet not clear.
The path he has chosen is probably a painful path. And so many times he regretted that choice.
If he had had a second chance, he would have chosen another path like many of his friends did.
His wish is just so simple but sounds so unattainable" just wanna go home and live a peaceful life with family and his love"
There is some unfinished business he wants to finish before heading home. So many nights he kept thinking of the way of shortening the road and he got panic because he didnt have any resource to support that fast track.
He just wishes a god would lend him 80 grands. Then he can take the express routee and finish everything in 3-4 years
Realilty is reality, it dawned on him that obstacles have always been his life.
He just doesnt know what to do

Its his life